i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize