I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
