Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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