dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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