And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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