So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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