eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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