i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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