Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
