One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
