i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
