I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I accidentally burped into my bong.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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