Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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