she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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