the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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