Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
