I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
