i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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