We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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