HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
