Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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