I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
