i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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