Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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