Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
