i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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