Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
