woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
