So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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