Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize