We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
