If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
