you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
