What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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