I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
