pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
