i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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