my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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