Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just wanna soil my oats bro
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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