I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize