we have officially lost it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
