Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
