I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Enjoy the penises
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize