And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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