She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
