so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
