There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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