You're earring is so big in my mouth
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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