I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
