I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
