My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
