I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
