i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
