capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
