he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
