I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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