my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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