They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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