Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
