he puts the penis in happiness.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
