ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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