Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
