I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
