we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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