So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize