Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
